Saturday, February 10, 2007

ASSHOLE MODE: ON

For some chances, some times I get so stressed, so pissed, that I finally enter in mode asshole.
I named this mode because everytime I enter in, my mind goes to La-la land. All the data in my brain gets sealed, my humanity is devoured by the beast and every reaction in me is guided by instincts only.
Last time that happened that, I have had "one of these $%&/%/ days" when it looks like the whole world is against you. Ok, I admit it, the day before I was in guard. After 3:30 the chief resident and his two subordinates (a mate and me) were in charge of the surgeon service. 31 patients to assist, without including some emergencies or special situations in other sectors of the hospital. It was a nice journey. Everyone went to snooze at 0:30, a very decent hour.
But early in the morning, the troubles started. First, I wasn´t used to assist the patients in Mixed Tumors service, because I was in Traumatology and the cases usually are more simple than those.
I had to stand some jerk that was doing some interchange from another hospital. Yup. A total, REAL jerk. He spent the time nooging at me because the patient´s evolutions I was doing were wrong. In his opinion. Every time I tried to respond he just yelled "noooo, that´s not it"... that moron... I wished to practice a tracheotomy on him, really.
After correcting the Rx that the specialist (now he could correct me any mistake I have made, of course), the jerk from before said "Oh, now I couldn´t defend you from him, a real shame..." HE DEFENDED ME??? WTF???
Tolerancy level... 70% and going down...
Just after that, the R4, the most important doctor after the specialist scoloed at me. I couldn´t remember some facts about the patients we were assisting...
Tolerancy level... 50% and going down...
Well, external consult time is over. I should go to lunch, don´t I? Nope. I have to wait in medical room for new patient´s folder and open clinical records. Wait. Dr, nothing for you for now, said the smiling nurse. a quarter passed. Nothing. Ok, I went downstairs to dinner room to dig some grub! But just before the maid offers me my meal the speaker yelled:
"Dr. Triviño, please go to external consult..." BIS.
Tolerancy level... 30% and going down...
Oh, shit. I just finished two minutes before 15:00. I dashed like Sonic upstairs. Made it in time! To the guard change. Now, Dr. Trivino, the news about your patients...
Eh? ... s..sorry, I just finished doing medical records and...
Well, make sure you give the today´s resident the proper news. And don´t forget to do it before 3:00
Tolerancy level...10 %...
WARNING! WARNING!! FAIR CHANCE TO ENTER IN ASSHOLE MODE!!!
So, I had to check the patients. Tired, stressed and pissed I took over the four patients of traumathology and the 3 of mixed tumors... I finished about six o´clock... My sight was cloudy by then...
Finally, I reported the news to the resident at turn. And just before saying "Bye, I am going home", she peeked some detail in the record of some patient and asked me about it. Frankly, all the data now denied to show up in my mind now. So I told her I didn´t know. She sighed and scolded me: "You must MEMORIZE ALL about your patients..."
TOLERANCY LEVEL 0%
TOLERANCY LEVEL 0%
ENTERING ASSHOLE MODE.
ENTERING ASSHOLE MODE.
CHANGING TO TOLERANCY BACKUP RESERVE: 10 MINUTES UNTIL TOTAL ASSHOLE MODE.
SECURITY MEASURE: EXECUTING.
I just took my pen ( a round, fat, blue pen) and taking into my jaws I crushed with a mere bite. I started to spit the pieces. The poor resident gasped in horror and tried to calm me. It worked. I, using the last reserve of tolerancy apologized to her and tried to explain the asshole mode. She nodded and suggested I went home, she could manage the rest.

My mind was in white. All white.

After some minutes, I noticed I was walking towards the new Muai Thai dojo. Some time later, the inscription fee was paid and I was pounding a punching bag with all the rage and brutality I could. That evaporated the stress. Relief. Ahhhhh....

13 comments:

Gabriela Bowen said...

Y para reinvidicarme por tanta ausencia su primer comment se lo doy yo :D mi doc! sabes y no es por mala pero pobrecito me imagino tu cara en el asshole mode... eso estaría para foto!!! y me mataba de la risa... y mi consejo es ese ria ria ria y ria todo lo que pueda... es la única medicina antistress que no cuesta y de hecho es la más efectiva dicho por Patchito ADams :D
Besos mi doc, se lo quiere bks
Pero que se le va hacer

Fabrizio said...

WOW. Your blog is better than any medical drama I've seen! :-D

Anyway Thai Boxe is a good solution for stress...

Ciao

Fab

Princesa Dariak said...

LOL.
I work in a hospital. :P
"Tired, stressed and pissed .." :O
I know the feeling... :P

Hugs of light.

Evan said...

Oh Doc, I underestand your tiredness!
Calm down... and don't stress so much.

Nice post!!

Cicutarsenica said...

¡Ay, doctor!... todo ese strees convinado con la abstinencia...pero anímate que ya vendrán dias mejores.

Carlos said...

...que madrugadita bro! yo que tu le hacíauna traqueotomía a ese cretino residente, pero con el esfero que destrozaste y sin anestesia jaja.

Morder los bic daña la corona dental jaja.

Saludos doc

Ma. Candela said...

that's the funking live!!! U need a hug and a POUNCH season if you what to survive man! But for now I leave you a sweet kiss... enjoy it!

Sick Boy said...

jajaja y si hay dias malos.... y semanas malas como las mias...

pero ni modo, el asshole mode es un buen punto d ebullicion jajajaja

cheqa said...

hubiera leído lo prometo...pero prefiero las cosas en mi idioma precioso...digo....no es que sea fundamentalista, pero debo reconocer que el inglés me recuerda mucho a los yanquis :o(

abrazos españoles desde mi cheqa...

FlorcitA said...

Hola señor! le dire que me costo un poco leerlo porque mi ingles no es tan bueno... aun
Pero valio la pena el esfuerzo
SALUDOS!!

Megumi-san said...

Oh Mi Good!!

You work is strefull...

Well take it easy...

Breath....

And them, kick someone..... jejeje

I´m joke.... jajajaja

Ja ne!!!

pentapodologa said...

IIIUUUGGGHHHHH! a hard guard.... Sometimes all things make us put in te asshole mode...que huevada que es!
Apoyo a carlos.... una traqueostomia con un esfero bic mordido sin anestesia...

Tofu - sama said...

Gaby Bowen: Te extrañaba un mundo, bombón dark.
Fabrizzio: Even better than E.R.? (heh)
Dariak: U work in a hospital too? Didn´t know!
Evan: And after that day, I got a really hard week. I didn´t enter into asshole mode, instead, I got depressed. Worse.
Cicutarsenica: La abstinencia se rompera prontito!
Carlos: Nah, no era un bic, era de esos que te regalan los visitadores. Pero eso y más se merecia el lameculos ése...
Ma. Candela: Yeah! I needed that! Thanks!
Sick boy: La plena, lo malo es que acá no puedes entrarle a patadas a todo y a todos...
Cheqa: ¿Entonces cuando publique otro post en inglés?
Florcita: Siempre están los traductores on line, cielo.
Megumi-chan: But I kicked... the bag afterwards! Hehe, mata asode!
Pentapodologa: Vamos tres en favor de la traqueotomía del lameculos. LE debe estar ardiendo la oreja...